Today we spent the entire day baking, making some breakfast meals for when I am resting from my c-section. I am exhausted but enjoyed the day with the kids. We spoke a lot about you Hezekiah and very openly. Your brothers and sisters asked some very direct, loving, and curious questions about you, Heaven, and how things will work out in the next few days. I am glad our conversations went to you and this, I think it helps them as well. Kids have such an amazing way of seemingly just going on but today I could really tell how deeply your siblings are hurting. They spoke how amazing it would be if God would heal you and if not how they would see you in Heaven someday. We shed some tears and gave lots of hugs as we worked and chatted. I love when your brothers and sisters come up to my belly and put their hands on you and tell you how much they love you. Your 2 youngest sisters are constantly kissing my belly while your older siblings try to get you to move so they can feel you. I am thankful for their love for you and that they realize life in the womb is life and very precious!
It is only 2 more days until we meet you unless of course you decide to arrive on your own. I would be very thankful for that :) We are all anxious to meet you but at the same time it is sad because we know you will also soon be leaving us. We pray and hope for a few days with you, we so want to bring you home. But these decisions are in the hands of the Lord and we trust him with his decisions. I cannot wait to see your sweet self, to hold you and love you. I know your Daddy and siblings feel the same way. Your Daddy will be the first to hold you and I am thankful for that. Your brothers and sisters will be eagerly waiting for my c-section to be done so they can also greet you. Hezekiah these next few days are going to be the hardest days of my life, of our families life. Yet, it is drawing us closer than we ever imagined possible and it has given us a sensitivity in areas we never had before. It is forcing us to think beyond what we have ever thought before. I don't know how we will make it but I know we will. My son, my heart is broken, my dreams are shattered, and my life is a mess right now. However, those are all about me and the me attitude is from hell. My soul desire is to serve the Lord and be used by him in the way he wants. I never imagined my womb being blessed only to have empty arms after wards. Truly it is an eartly Mother's greatest heartache!
So Hezekiah at the cross I lay my hopes, desires, and dreams. Giving them to my God who created you within my womb. He knows better than I and he will wipe my tears and hold me up when I can no longer go. God is God and our faith in him will help us to go on. Your life on this Earth will not be in vain, we look forward to meeting you our precious son and brother.
Please continue to pray for us