Thursday, December 31, 2009

I have had almost a month to grieve, pray, and think about the situation with Hezekiah. It is the hardest thing my husband and I have faced our entire marriage. I am so thankful we are walking this journey together hand in hand. I am no writer or theologian, I am just writing my heart.

I have been thinking about how I have dealt with the fact that our sweet Hezekiah is going to go home with Jesus. I have had more emotions and thoughts in this past month than I have had for an entire year. I find myself questioning why God choose to not close Hezekiah's head and form his brain. But yesterday I was repulsed by the fact that I was questioning God. I know God is God, he is the King of all, the giver and taker of life, and someday every knee shall bow and every tongue confess he is Lord. So WHO AM I to question his plans? Over the past few years God has lead me to places where I have had to trust him despite all. I can clearly remember times I have been on my knees begging God to protect me as he was taking me down a journey contrary to what others and the world thought was ok. I have never felt closer to God than during my pregnancy's and childbirth. He has always been the one to carry me. And the outcomes have always been nothing short of his love, power, and grace in our lives. This time I can't see the outcome as being anything but wretched. However, I still need to trust God. I cannot allow my feelings to interfere with my faith. I truly do believe God knows best and that he directs our paths. It is not by mistake that Hezekiah has a birth defect, it is nothing I did wrong, it is not the environment or anything else science tries to blame it on. It is simply the way God wants it. He knits and forms us all in the womb and if I take his word for what it is than this clearly is HIS desire for Hezekiah. Do I like it, NO! I so desire for God to heal Hezekiah and I know he can if it is HIS WILL. I have seen God work miracles in my life and I do not doubt he can perform one now. I often think what a miracle it would be, it would be so obvious and there would be no glory given to anyone but God. However, that may not be God's purpose with this situation and I must accept it. I know God's ways are perfect and I know this will work out for his glory. I truly do want God's will even if it means him taking my son from me on this Earth. I know God will continue to carry us, I do not doubt him. God has a perfect plan written years ago, it does not come as a surprise to him that Hezekiah is anacephalic.

So were do I go from here. First I have faith and not allow Satan any room in this situation. I continue to pray for God's will to be done. I continue to mourn in a healthy way and I continue to cling to the God who gave his son so I might live, the God who gives me every breathe I have, the God who loves and wants his will performed in my life. He has a plan...His will is best...Have faith!!

Many have asked how you can help and what you can do for us. So here goes:

I am scheduled on Thursday January 7th for a c-section in the afternoon. I ask you to continue to pray that God brings forth my labor on it's own so I have a natural birth. I also ask you pray for the safety of my uterus where the previous scars are, safety for Hezekiah and I. If I am to have a c-section please pray God gives me peace about it. Pray for guidance for those who participate in the birth. Pray I not worry and let God put all the pieces together and we rest in HIM.

If it be God's will, pray for complete healing for Hezekiah. If Hezekiah is to go home with Jesus pray we have some time with him. We would really like to bring him home even for a day. But most importantly pray God's will be done and we accept it as perfect.

Pray for peace, strength, and continued faith in God for our family. Pray for the older children as they grieve for their brother, it is not easy for them. Pray for Ken and I as we try to put all in order and that God will continue to meet all of our needs.

As for meals, many of you have requested to bring one. We would be very grateful for that. If you e-mail/facebook me, I will pass onto you the phone # of the person coordinating them. The only dietary restrictions is red dye. We also need spaghetti sauce to have the least amount of preservatives in it and can only eat romaine lettuce. We will eat whatever you bring, so don't worry about what we normally eat.

We appreciate all the prayers and love we have received from near and far. It is amazing what a prayer can do!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

This evening Hezekiah your Daddy went over and dug your grave site. He said it was one of the hardest things he has ever had to do. There were many tears shed at your grave site by your Daddy, Mommy, brothers and sisters. We all love you so dearly and this is a struggle to say the very least.
You are going to be buried right behind your Grandpa and Grandma Mummau who both will greet you in Heaven. Grandma loved babies Hezekiah and her arms will be open wide to you. And Grandpa he will love you as well, and if there are cookies and burnt toast Grandpa will be the first to offer them to you.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

This morning Ken and I went and met with the Chaplain, head nurse, and baby doctor at the hospital. They all were so kind and compassionate to us. They wanted to know our desires in regards to the birth and all that goes with it. It is something I never want to do again but am thankful we have some wonderful people looking to protect and serve us at the time of Hezekiah's birth. I finally packed my bags for a hospital birth, it is something I also have been dreading and putting off. I have really been thankful for my last 3 home births, they were such a blessing. But it seems God is taking me in a different path this time. I don't know why and to be honest I question it, it makes no sense to me. I find lots of things don't make sense to me here of late. We also got some things for the older kids to do at the hospital and that is all packed and ready as well. So I am ready in that way but I am in no means ready in any other way. In fact I am down right scared to death in regards to all that has yet to happen.

Today I thought about earthly and eternally:

Eternally my son is going to Heaven to be with Jesus when God takes his breathe from him. He will not suffer and be in a perfect place. I truly could not ask for a better place for Hezekiah to go. I could not ask for a better Heavenly Father to watch over him. Heaven is to be a wonderful, perfect place and I know Hezekiah will be better off there than here on this Earth. I should rejoice that he is going to meet our maker. Eternally is the way I should think in all things at all times. I think many things would change in my life if I always thought eternally.

Earthly my heart longs for Hezekiah to live, my heart aches the most unbearable ache I have ever felt in my entire life. I would do anything to keep my son on this Earth and be the best Mom I could be to him. Tears flow easily when I think of all the kisses, cooing, smiling, diaper changes, baths, laughs, etc that we will miss with Hezekiah. How desperate and helpless I feel in this situation. How can life possibly ever go back to "normal"? I beg God to take this from me, I tell him I cannot handle it. Yet, he has chosen to continue with his plan despite my desires. I cannot fathom his ways in this.

So what do I do? I trust God despite not understanding why he choose not to knit Hezekiah's brain and skull together properly. I praise the God who gives and takes away. I continue to seek him and allow him to carry me in the depths of my despair. I pray God be glorified during this time. It is all I can do...I know my redeemer lives and his ways are best!

Continue to pray for us, we need it!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Praise you in this storm

My friend Nicole from college sent this song by Casting Crowns to me shortly after Hezekiah's diagnosis on facebook. As we listened to it we agreed the song was very fitting, little needs to be said the words speak our hearts.

I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for you are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised my up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find you
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for you are who you are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My hep comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who you are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Your Uncle D and Aunt M came over on Christmas Eve. They brought great fellowship, dinner, and presents. More importantly they also brought smiles and laughter to our home that has not really been here since December 3rd, it was a much needed time. Your brothers and sisters were delighted with their presents and have been playing with them ever since. Mommy got 2 priceless gifts that I will forever cherish. I am not a collector of things nor do I care for my home to be full of stuff. With that being said these 2 gifts will be something I will keep forever and mean so much to me simply because of you Hezekiah. Uncle D and Aunt M got me a figurine with Daddy holding a baby (you) and Mommy looking over Daddy's shoulder and a keepsake box with your name engraved it in. We are very grateful for the thoughtfulness and generosity of D and M.

This rose was given to you Hezekiah by a woman of God that I have admired for many years. She came to talk and pray with me a week ago. She also knows the loss of a child, a son. Despite her knowing and trusting God is in control I could see the love and hurt in her eyes for her own son. I also could see the hurt in her eyes for your family and you my sweet son. Thank you L for taking time for me, to listen, cry, and pray. You have always been special to me and I have always appreciated your advice and love in all the stages of my life!!

Friday, December 25, 2009

On Wed afternoon I went for a sonogram and check up. Despite knowing the diagnosis I could not help but wish things would have changed as they started the sonogram. Yes, wishful thinking but it truly is my desire. But nothing has changed other than I have fallen even more in love with you my son. As the technician was scanning you were moving all over the place. You kept grabbing the umbilical cord and putting it towards your mouth, it was really cute. At the end the technician asked if she could do a 4D and of course I said yes. Your cousin Noah has had them done and we were all amazed at what we actually could see with his pictures. The minute the technician got your face on the screen I was amazed, smitten, and in awe. There you were Hezekiah, I was able to see what you look like. You resemble your siblings R and S and you have the chubbiest cheeks. I cannot wait to kiss them. You were even sucking your thumb at one point. I could not help but cry as I held onto each precious second of seeing you on that screen. Oh how my heart longs for things to be different, how I long to take care of you and love you on this Earth. How I struggle to let you go and release you to the very one you belong to. My precious son my weaknesses show so vividly as I walk this journey I would so rather not. My sinful self is very evident to me and I struggle with the basics of my faith.

My appointment with the Doctor went well. They are concerned about me, you have a death sentence per say so you are of no issue to them. They are kind about it but it nauseates me in regards to the medical stand point they take. Do they not know despite your condition you have a soul? Do they not know that God has blessed me (our family) with you and until he takes your breathe you need love, support, and caring for? The way the world sees babies like you and others with not perfect outcomes is repulsive to me. The doctor told me 95% of babies with your condition are aborted, how that made my stomach turn in disgust. Oh the wicked sin of ending a life in such a tragic way that Americans say is "choice" God have mercy!

My uterus looks well except they say where my previous incisions are it is "abnormally thin". What does that mean exactly? It is hard to say because each woman can measure different and mine could have been the 7mm it is now during my past 3 home births. I do have amniotic fluid that is building but it is not overly of concern. It will just make me more uncomfortable as my feet, hands, belly,and face continue to hold more fluid. So here is what your Daddy and I have decided. I will go to 41 weeks and if I do not go into labor I will then schedule a c-section. This is not what I want for so many reasons. I want to birth you naturally because it is just better all round. So we are trusting God in the outcome, there is little else I can do. It feels in this entire situation I am just hanging on, grasping for less and less of my desires. I am scared and nervous about it all. I am an emotion ready to burst at any moment, with so many unanswered questions, concerns, fears, and desires.

On the way home after the visit I called your Daddy and told him how beautiful you were. I am sure he did not hear half of what I said as I could not contain my emotions. It felt good to have a good cry afterwards. When I got home your brothers and sisters loved looking at you in the 4D. They just stared at you for so long, their silence made me wonder what they were thinking. We often pull out your pictures looking at them, I am so thankful for them. When your Daddy got home he looked at you as well, and also was amazed. His silence and eyes said so much to me, you don't realize it Hezekiah but you have got the best Earthly Father a child could ask for.

So Hezekiah I continue to nervously wait for your arrival. I continue to struggle. I continue to cry. I continue to beg God for his mercy and grace unto us all. Although I feel God is not near I know feelings lie and that he is near. When I raise my hands to worship my King I can barely lift them in my sorrow but he lifts them the rest of the way for me. My God, My King, My Father...whatever the cost...I will follow you!

I thought the other day about how God allowed his son to be crucified for my sins. I cannot imagine that God did not cry that day as he watched his son in such physical pain. He is a God of mercy and hurts when we hurt. Even though he knew his son's death was needed for our salvation I can't help but to think his Father heart ached. I think of Mary who watched her son die in such a horrible manner. How she was such a Godly woman who accepted God's will for not only her life but also her son's. You want to talk about a woman who made a difference, a woman with an example of faith. I also think of Jesus as he knew what was to come of him and the suffering he would go through FOR ME and YOU. Yet, he willingly accepted his "journey". How it makes me think...

Well I should try to sleep. I am often up during the night since your diagnosis. I look forward to yet another day of feeling you move within me. How blessed I am...How blessed I am!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Today we had our first snow for the winter. The children were all so excited to go out and go sledding. In the afternoon they went out and Daddy really wanted me to come out as well. I had no desire to do so but I did go and took the camera along. As I walked across the snow I could not help but to think that Hezekiah you would never play in the snow. I watched as the children played and put my hand on my belly. I rubbed it and told you Hezekiah all about the snow, my tears were making my face freeze. I started to head back in but little R wanted to go along in. As I took her hand she wanted to walk down the road in the snow, I said no but being herself she persisted. I gave in and walked behind her admiring my little stinker. I thought of how much she would love you Hezekiah, how she would Mother you to no end :)

I got a warm bath in the late afternoon, that seems to help with some of my stress. I enjoy watching you move all around my belly. I was reading a book but put it down, I felt like I needed to pray. I prayed Hezekiah that God would heal you, and I know he can if it be his will. I have seen God's power and do not doubt it. I also realize that his will may not be to heal you on this Earth and I accept that. I have been doing so much thinking since the diagnosis and came to the conclusion last night that I have lost my first love. Yep, I have allowed my blessed role of being a Wife and Mother overtake my relationship with Christ. God is a jealous God and he wants me to put him first in my life. As I wept and repented I felt a release and prayed again for your healing. I live for my husband and kids and I doubt I will ever not but I first must live for Christ. That is not an excuse to neglect my husband and children, in fact it will just reinstate the importance of my role in those blessed areas. I must take personal time for my God more than I do. SO today I learned something and to God be the glory.

I was putting away the kids notebooks and came across N's. It said:
I love Hezikiya
I love him ever
I do I do love Hezikiya
I still love Hezikiya

The night before your brother E was in bed crying because of you. Even your brothers and sisters ache for you.
They all say good night to you every night now and they either rub my belly or give it a kiss.
I love you my precious son!

Friday, December 18, 2009

I will carry you Hezekiah

These are lyrics to the song "I will carry you" written by Angie and Todd Smith for their baby girl Audrey Caroline.
When I listened to it I could not help but to cry and think of Hezekiah and how thankful I am that God choose me to carry my precious son. Truly, despite it all that is a gift I will cherish forever.

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because he loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the one Who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to his voice...

I've shown her photograph's of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the one who's chosen me
To carry you

Thursday, December 17, 2009

This evening we went to a doctor to see about delivering natural at the hospital. This has never been an option for me because of my previous 3 c-sections. But since my home birth midwife was not comfortable with doing a home birth this was my only option other than birthing at home by myself. Things went well, and I am thankful for that. Because Hezekiah is anencphalic they will allow me to deliver natural in the hospital. I am still very nervous about it all but feel a peace. Next Wed we go for an ultrasound and another visit.

I have been feeling kind of numb these past few days, almost like I have no emotion. I think I have just used it all up. I must admit I am thankful for a break per say, my head was hurting from crying so much. I know the road is still long and I don't know how I will make it other than by God's grace. We enjoyed this evening taking turns poking and loving Hezekiah. He would give a kick back and it delighted us all. It is hard to think that the "end" is soon near so I try not to think about it.

Having faith in God and his plans is so much easier to say when things are going well. I have finally come to the place in these last 2 weeks where I can truly believe that God's way is best. Even though it aches, and I wish for it to be different I have faith that God has a plan that is beyond my imagination.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Today was another hard day. I had to call around and make funeral arrangements. God gave me the strength to do this however, I truly did not want to do it. I can honestly say that my life is a lot of what I don't want right now. But then it's not about me is it? It is hard during this journey to keep my perspective on the eternal things, my flesh so violently fights it. I have always said my children were God's and by all means I mean it. Yet, I find it hard to just release Hezekiah to the one he belongs to. I want to hang onto him because of all my dreams and desires. I can't help but to think of the things I/we will be missing with Hezekiah and it leaves an ache within that I have never felt before. But if I think eternally our son is going to a perfect place with our savior. God has a plan for our 7th arrow, it just is not exactly what I wanted it to be. But this is when I need to think eternally, knowing Hezekiah is serving the Lord and that I will someday see him again. I truly need to have faith and trust God.

My sweet Hezekiah I am so thankful God choose me to carry you, to be your Mother, and to love you. I will always cherish the memories we have and the ones to come. You will always be a part of our family and I look forward to meeting you in eternity.

I am going to trust God with the rest of your story Hezekiah. I am not going to fear or allow Satan to rob me of joy. Yes, the ache is unbearable at times but those are the times my precious savior is carrying me. And after all what better place to be, resting in my Father's arms. God give me strength and let my life be a testimony of you.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

On Monday my midwife came and was honest that she was not feeling comfortable with delivering Hezekiah at home. It is new territory for her and she does not want any harm to come to me. I appreciated her honesty and could tell she was sincere. She would be putting herself, her family, and her practice at risk if something were to go wrong and I understand that. I called and made an appointment with the Doctor for Thursday afternoon. I am praying they will compromise and allow me to have a natural birth. Otherwise the thoughts in the back of my head to birth at home alone may just need to become an option!
I feel as if everything that can go wrong is, how frustrating. I cannot fathom why God is taking us on this road. Every way I turn I run straight into a brick wall and need to put my hands up and say "OK God what's next". My life has never felt so out of control as it does now. Each day is a challenge, well each minute is at this point. Ken said to me tonight that God is not taking Hezekiah from us, he simply has a different plan for him than the rest of our children. All 7 of our children are God's, he only gives them to us to raise for his glory. That prior comment has always been easy for me to say but now when God is choosing to keep Hezekiah with him am I willing to let go... Despite our pain, God continues to offer peace that surpasses all understanding. Our Pastor and a Deacon came and prayed with me today, what a blessing that was.

From Daddy

On the 3rd of December
my world changed forever.
A sunny Thursday morning
started clouds suddenly forming.
And rain came from within
but who gains, who wins.
Just news of sorrow
and misery tomorrow.
Again it rains
falling from clouds of pain.
Am I going insane
it burns like a flame.
Charing my heart it seers within
here it comes again, again, and yet again.
Oh, when will it end
God is it because of my sin?
Please pull me back from the ash
I can't live with this gash.
In my heart, the center of me apart
I cannot afford.
This prison of pain when I'm awake
when I sleep my dreams make me quake.
The future appears, and hell awaits
save me Jesus, please please.
Alone, I am all alone
no one seems to really know.
My torment as it goes and goes
who is this cruel foe.
Is it someone I know?
yes, I see you clear.
The reason for all my tears
when you come near I prepare for fear.
What next, what now, when, where?
you have come to kill because it is what you do.
Against my will you then follow through
but your day will come, and mine will end.
I won't be so dumb, and you can't repent
you will be done, you have taken my son.
But his voice cries out
for justice done, is his shout.
My Lord has heard this sound
the little child's voice from the ground.
And his blood you have shed
so God will come to crush your head.
And my son will live on
with his Mother and I in paradise bought.
By my savior his death has won
salvation for my son, and his brothers.
And sisters too will see him there
yes, Hezekiah Mummau Myers will be there.
We will reunite with him and where
our love forever in Gods care.
Well, so be it my son go on run along
God is calling, calling you home.
We will catch up in a little while son
I know we will be together again.
And no clouds of pain forming December rain
just the sunny day where we all will gain.
And win and in grace we will be
so farewell for now my son.
God needs you with him little one.
I love you

Monday, December 14, 2009

My dream

A month or so ago I had a very vivid dream, I now wish I would have written it down to know the exact date. I was awaken from a deep sleep (like never before) with my heart pounding, face sweating, and shaking.
I dreamed I was in church and we were singing the song in Psalms 127 called "Except the Lord Build the House". This is one of my favorite songs and you should hear the people at our church sing it...AWESOME! As we were singing I left weeping heading towards the back of the church. As I got half way out I spotted a little baby boy of a family that sits behind us. Seeing him made me let out a loud cry because I had just lost a son. I remember not being able to "shake" this dream for awhile but eventually fell back to sleep. I have 2 times had this dream come back to me while awake before we found out about Hezekiah. It makes me wonder...

Psalms 127

Except the Lord build the house,
they labor in vain that build it.
Except the Lord keep the city,
the watchmen waketh but in vain.
It is vain for you to rise up early,
to sit up late,
to eat the bread of sorrows
for so He giveth His beloved sleep.
Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord,
and the fruit of the womb is His reward.
As arrows are in the arm of a mighty man
so are the children of thy youth.
Happy is the man
that hath his quiver full of them.
They shall not be ashamed
but they shall speak with enemies in the gate

Thursday, December 10, 2009

I thought yesterday was a bad day, today is even worse. I wish it would all end! I can't smile, laugh, or even function. I have every emotion going on at one time that I don't know how I am to feel or act. I don't understand WHY. Everything I do/did seems to be in vain at this point. I just want my Hezekiah to live and if he can't to be honest I don't know if I can either.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Today was not a good day, I found myself struggling to even do the basic things. It is hard to explain all the emotions that come with knowing Hezekiah is not going to live on this Earth with us. I think sometimes I am strong and accepting the situation but then the next moment my world falls apart as I think of the situation. It is a hopeless feeling since there is nothing I can do about it.
This is what we know. Hezekiah is safe within my womb, he is a rather feisty little fellow who has really been kicking and moving within. All of us have enjoyed feeling him, he even gave Grandma a good kick and she was amazed by the strength of it. Hezekiah is just under 6 lbs and is perfect in every way except for his skull. I gazed at the sonogram pictures several times today, I love the side profile pictures. his nose reminds me of Solomon's and his lips pucker. I have a bit more amniotic fluid than I should which is called polyhydramnios. My midwife is going to monitor it and we are praying it does not get out of control as that is an issue for me.

We are praying God will grant us a home birth as the only other option is a c-section which we would really like to avoid. For those who do not know my first 3 children were born by c-section and my last 3 were born naturally at home. Most babies with anencephaly are born pre-term before 36 weeks, the rest are induced by 38 weeks the latest. Those who do not go into early labor often do not go into labor at all. My body does not work with inductions and with 3 c-section scars the induction is a risk to me.

So this is what we are praying for and you can pray with us:

1. Pray my labor starts naturally and before health issues arise for either myself or Hezekiah. Pray Hezekiah feels no pain or discomfort during birth (is it to much to ask the same for myself). Pray God gives me the strength to handle the labor he has or me. Pray Hezekiah has some time on this Earth with us after he is born but if that is not God's will help us to accept it and marvel at our precious son while we can.

2. If a c-section is necessary pray God makes it evident. We do not desire to pick the date for Hezekiah's birth and/or departure from this Earth. We truly do not want any regrets in this area. Pray for wisdom for us and our midwife Paula.

3. Pray for us as we continue in this path we would rather not walk. Pray for strength, guidance, and that we continue to trust God. Pray that we see God's hand in all of this as we struggle with many questions. Pray for our other children as they struggle with loosing a brother and the concept of death. And continue to pray for a miracle of healing for Hezekiah. We know God is a mighty God and he can choose to heal our son whole and complete but if it is not his will then pray we humble accept that God is God. His ways are best!

Today I washed Hezekiah's burial clothing, blankets, and hats for him. I just sat and cried and begged God for a miracle. I think of all the other Mothers who have walked this journey, how wretched it is. I think of all the Mothers who will yet walk it...Oh only the hope of Jesus gets me past each day.


Yesterday we went for a second sonogram. The technician Joe was wonderful, he answered all our questions thoroughly and showed us every part of your precious body. We found out you are our son and we named you as planned...Hezekiah! We marveled at seeing you, even your imperfect head. It was a hard day for us. After our appointment we went to Carter's to pick out an outfit for you to be buried in. I am thankful we did it but it was very hard on both your Daddy and I. You are precious Hezekiah and we love you so much. You were kicking so vigorously last night. All your siblings got to feel you and their eyes lit up. Thank you for that my precious son, even Grandma got a swift kick from you. I love you Hezekiah!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

On Thursday December 3, 2009 we were given the dreadful news that our 37 week baby has Anencephaly, that he/she is not compatible with life outside the womb. This news has changed our lives in a dramatic way. This blog is a memory book of our precious baby and ourselves to remember.