Monday, January 25, 2010

Dear Hezekiah,

Last night when I went to bed I did my "new normal", I picked up your outfit you wore last and put it to my face. I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe in to try and pick up your scent once again. I started to cry and I realized your scent is almost gone. I then headed over to our bed and took the blanket you last used off the co-sleeper and tried once again to smell your wonderful baby scent. I laid your blanket over my pillow clutched it tightly and cried myself to sleep once again.

My dear son, I miss you so much. My heart aches to love you, my lips want to kiss your sweet cheeks, my arms desire to hold you, and I my whole self desire to mother you. There is an empty feeling inside of me and as I go about my day all I think about is you. I try my best to keep my emotions in control and be a mom to your brothers and sisters. They need me and I must be there for them and I admit the distractions are welcome at times.

I look at your pictures a million times that are hung on our wall. I smile when I think of the time I had with you. Remembering your smiles and how you would light up and coo whenever I changed your head dressing. How when I rub your chin you would instantly smile and all your beautiful brown hair. Oh how I miss those 8 days and cling to every memory I had with you. My life has been turned upside down and never before have I hurt so deeply.
I love you Hezekiah!

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