Today was another hard day. I had to call around and make funeral arrangements. God gave me the strength to do this however, I truly did not want to do it. I can honestly say that my life is a lot of what I don't want right now. But then it's not about me is it? It is hard during this journey to keep my perspective on the eternal things, my flesh so violently fights it. I have always said my children were God's and by all means I mean it. Yet, I find it hard to just release Hezekiah to the one he belongs to. I want to hang onto him because of all my dreams and desires. I can't help but to think of the things I/we will be missing with Hezekiah and it leaves an ache within that I have never felt before. But if I think eternally our son is going to a perfect place with our savior. God has a plan for our 7th arrow, it just is not exactly what I wanted it to be. But this is when I need to think eternally, knowing Hezekiah is serving the Lord and that I will someday see him again. I truly need to have faith and trust God.
My sweet Hezekiah I am so thankful God choose me to carry you, to be your Mother, and to love you. I will always cherish the memories we have and the ones to come. You will always be a part of our family and I look forward to meeting you in eternity.
I am going to trust God with the rest of your story Hezekiah. I am not going to fear or allow Satan to rob me of joy. Yes, the ache is unbearable at times but those are the times my precious savior is carrying me. And after all what better place to be, resting in my Father's arms. God give me strength and let my life be a testimony of you.