Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Today was another hard day. I had to call around and make funeral arrangements. God gave me the strength to do this however, I truly did not want to do it. I can honestly say that my life is a lot of what I don't want right now. But then it's not about me is it? It is hard during this journey to keep my perspective on the eternal things, my flesh so violently fights it. I have always said my children were God's and by all means I mean it. Yet, I find it hard to just release Hezekiah to the one he belongs to. I want to hang onto him because of all my dreams and desires. I can't help but to think of the things I/we will be missing with Hezekiah and it leaves an ache within that I have never felt before. But if I think eternally our son is going to a perfect place with our savior. God has a plan for our 7th arrow, it just is not exactly what I wanted it to be. But this is when I need to think eternally, knowing Hezekiah is serving the Lord and that I will someday see him again. I truly need to have faith and trust God.

My sweet Hezekiah I am so thankful God choose me to carry you, to be your Mother, and to love you. I will always cherish the memories we have and the ones to come. You will always be a part of our family and I look forward to meeting you in eternity.

I am going to trust God with the rest of your story Hezekiah. I am not going to fear or allow Satan to rob me of joy. Yes, the ache is unbearable at times but those are the times my precious savior is carrying me. And after all what better place to be, resting in my Father's arms. God give me strength and let my life be a testimony of you.


  1. Michele if there is anything ANYTHING I can do for you right now please don't hesitate to ask. I am praying for you and your family right now. Maybe just Maybe God will answer all of our prayers and pull Hezekiah through this. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you or your family during this time. You are like the sister I never had growing up so please lean on me I can be strong for the both of you right now. God Bless you Michele God only gives us what we can handle so he knows you and Ken will be able to survivor this. With all my Love... Amy

  2. You are my strong tower
    Shelter over me
    Beautiful and mighty
    Everlasting King
    You are my strong tower
    Fortress when I'm weak
    Your name is true and holy
    And Your face is all I see

    This is the first thing that came to mind when I read your post...Love you all!

  3. Michele,
    My name is Susie Sams. I'm a friend of a friend of Wendy Kauffman. She sent your blog through to me today.

    I am so sorry that you're facing losing Hezekiah. I know what it feels like. Our 2nd child, our only son, Joshua Matthew spent 67 days with us. He had an encephalocele - which is another neural tube defect like anencephaly. He lived longer than expected, we were told hours/days if he survived his birth.

    Here's my blog -
    I wrote from about 7 months pregnant on to the present. His story is from Oct 07 to March 08, the archive list is on the right sidebar. Just letting you know that there's someone else out there who gets it, has been through it, and has survived.

    If you have any questions, or just need to vent, please feel free to write me. :) mnssams[@]gmail[.]com

    - Susie Sams