On Monday my midwife came and was honest that she was not feeling comfortable with delivering Hezekiah at home. It is new territory for her and she does not want any harm to come to me. I appreciated her honesty and could tell she was sincere. She would be putting herself, her family, and her practice at risk if something were to go wrong and I understand that. I called and made an appointment with the Doctor for Thursday afternoon. I am praying they will compromise and allow me to have a natural birth. Otherwise the thoughts in the back of my head to birth at home alone may just need to become an option!
I feel as if everything that can go wrong is, how frustrating. I cannot fathom why God is taking us on this road. Every way I turn I run straight into a brick wall and need to put my hands up and say "OK God what's next". My life has never felt so out of control as it does now. Each day is a challenge, well each minute is at this point. Ken said to me tonight that God is not taking Hezekiah from us, he simply has a different plan for him than the rest of our children. All 7 of our children are God's, he only gives them to us to raise for his glory. That prior comment has always been easy for me to say but now when God is choosing to keep Hezekiah with him am I willing to let go... Despite our pain, God continues to offer peace that surpasses all understanding. Our Pastor and a Deacon came and prayed with me today, what a blessing that was.