This evening we went to a doctor to see about delivering natural at the hospital. This has never been an option for me because of my previous 3 c-sections. But since my home birth midwife was not comfortable with doing a home birth this was my only option other than birthing at home by myself. Things went well, and I am thankful for that. Because Hezekiah is anencphalic they will allow me to deliver natural in the hospital. I am still very nervous about it all but feel a peace. Next Wed we go for an ultrasound and another visit.
I have been feeling kind of numb these past few days, almost like I have no emotion. I think I have just used it all up. I must admit I am thankful for a break per say, my head was hurting from crying so much. I know the road is still long and I don't know how I will make it other than by God's grace. We enjoyed this evening taking turns poking and loving Hezekiah. He would give a kick back and it delighted us all. It is hard to think that the "end" is soon near so I try not to think about it.
Having faith in God and his plans is so much easier to say when things are going well. I have finally come to the place in these last 2 weeks where I can truly believe that God's way is best. Even though it aches, and I wish for it to be different I have faith that God has a plan that is beyond my imagination.