Thursday, February 4, 2010

I had a productive day today with the kids and their schooling which is good. I had to several times force myself to not "go there" and continue to move on. Yes, there were times I struggled, cried, and even once when I stopped to look at all of Hezekiah's pictures on the computer. I do that every day, sometimes more than once. As I am looking and remembering I almost always have 6 little ones around me.

It is hard to go on, there are so many moments when I think how it would be if Hezekiah were here. I pulled out one of the Grammar books and I found my bookmark from before he was born. It had all the kids names on with a blank spot for the new baby. It brought tears to my eyes as I wrote his name in that spot. How I miss him, I know I say that so much but it is SO true. '

I have failed over the past few days with trusting God in all of this. I have allowed my desires to be first and foremost in regards to Hezekiah. I do not live for myself, I live to serve the Lord and HIS desires, HIS ways, HIS will is perfect. He sees way beyond what I do and I should rejoice that Hezekiah is perfect and with Jesus. I really need to get beyond myself!

On another note I made my 1st trip out by myself yesterday with the kiddo's. YIPPEE :) We went to the dentist and they all got their teeth cleaned. It went very well mostly because we go to an awesome family friendly dentist.

I have much more on my mind but it is so deep it would take forever to write. I will save it for when I have time to finish it.
Please continue to hold us up in your prayers!

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