Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Today was one of those days that I wish I never would have crawled out of bed. It seems everything went wrong, to start I need to go back. I purchased a used treadmill off of craigslist last weekend. It is a brand new expensive treadmill that they barely used so I was delighted with it and the price. It worked great for the 9 days that I used it, then it got stuck on the incline and has not worked since Monday. I felt so good last week the exericise was helping me. Ken spent the afternoon trying to fix it. It appears tomorrow we will find out if it will be a cheap or expensive fix!

I have felt like crying all day and dealing with everyday stresses has been hard. I miss my son so much. I struggle still with the unanswered questions that fill my mind. I don't see light at the end of the tunnel per say. I know it is there but am awaiting the day when God will lift this from me. I realize there will always be an ache for Hezekiah because he is my son and I love him so dearly. How as a mother could I not always have these feelings? But with those feelings I want peace. I want my heart to be at peace. How I cry out for God to heal my heart, to rid myself of the anger and questions. To just simply be at peace all the time without the waves that come and go.


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