God, Others, Self

The other day I was talking with my older children as they were struggling with one another and doing their work. In our home we have a very common saying of "God, others, and self". It is our motto of how we are to serve. I was reminding them of that and in my frustration I blurted out to them. Do you think I like what has happened to Hezekiah? I answered in the same passion I started the question saying "No, I don't but it's not about me is it". Well I had to stop after I said that and I started to cry as I realized I myself have not been serving God in how I at times dealt with the loss of Hezekiah. I am way to willing to think only of my desires rather than God's. I seem to learn a lot from my children lately. As we continued our conversation and I poured out my heart my children humbled themselves and ask one another for forgiveness. What joy it brought not only to my heart but also in them. Ken always tells me that when we are serving others we don't have much time to think about ourselves. I also am starting to realize that when I lay it at the cross and fully trust even when it hurts there is peace. I am so thankful for that peace here of late. There are moments that are still hard but I am going to make it.

I have decided (by Gods grace) to be strong and go forward despite my fears, emotions, and obstacles. I want joy and peace in my life. I am not going to hide in my home where I am most comfortable, instead I am going to step out and try to get back to "normal" life as much as we can. I have 7 wonderful blessings from God and the 6 on this earth need me. I cannot be guaranteed tomorrow so each day must be lived to it's fullest. I am going to seek God every time my mind wonders where it should not. We as a family are going to always remember our precious Hezekiah, he is a part of us and we don't plan on letting his life be in vain. He has taught us so much...