Life is continuing to move on as we continue to deal with the loss of Hezekiah. I cannot say it is getting easier because it is not. But I can say by God's grace we are learning to deal with it. I think the biggest improvement for me is realizing that it is ok to show my pain. I have ventured back to doing everything I did before this. There are times that the pain cannot be held in, times I cry but I just take it as it comes. And it's ok for it to be that way. I still don't like to cry in front of others but it happens. On Sunday we sang "Great is they faithfulness" and I silently cried the entire time. I admit I was worried someone would see me but I reminded myself it's ok. What Mother would not hurt and cry for her child she lost.
I also am continuing to trust God with all things. I have learned there are things I have no control over. There are questions I will never have an answer for while on this Earth. I feel peace with the future and God is making and molding me. I am thankful for his guidance and that my heart is still raw and sensitive to him.
Every time we drive past a grave yard Ruth yells out "Mommy Hezekiah go see him." It is heart wrenching, I hate the fact that my son is associated with a grave yard. UGH!! I have so much I want to say but I am SO tired, it's been a long productive day. Please continue to pray for us, we need it!