Sunday, April 4, 2010

My precious Hezekiah how my heart longs for you. Life is taking a turn for the worst, perhaps reality is really setting in for me. You are gone and I will never be able to hold you nor care for you as my son. The ache that comes with that knowledge is just to much to carry. I am angry and don't understand why God did not heal you or even why he would allow such a wicked thing to happen to you. I am all alone as I struggle daily to cope with such a deep, deep hurt. Truly, I see no end.
I went to your grave this morning and took you some yellow flowers. With my hands I pulled the heaping pile of dirt away and tried to smooth it out. As I was smoothing out the dirt I cried and cried until I could cry no more. I wanted to just lay my head upon your grave and die myself!


  1. i've never met you and my heart aches for you. *HUGS* just when you think that you are doing well, you are suddenly knocked down again! i am thinking of you was very difficult for me, so i did a lot of thinking about babylost mamas. *HUGS*

  2. Girl you are NOT alone. And God also grieves with you. Look how He grieved for his son on the cross. Love you, miss you. Hang in there.