Sunday, October 2, 2011

It's been awhile...

It's been awhile since I have posted anything. We are full swing into schooling and enjoying the days of learning together. I am so blessed to be at home and able to teach my children. I have a wonderful husband who is very supportive and works hard to provide for us so I can be home. How blessed I am! On Wed I will be 33 weeks pregnant with Job (long o) and am feeling far along. Although the minor aches are there I am so thankful for them. It is such a precious blessing to carry a child within. We are anxious to meet Job and I know the next few weeks are going to go very fast, it won't be long until we finally meet our newest precious boy.

How am I doing with Hezekiah? Well, I still think of him several times a day and I still cry often. When I say I know it also means Ken and Hezekiah's siblings. My heart aches for my son just as much as it did the day he went to be with Jesus and I know that will never change. I am learning how to continue on without him here. I am nervous about the feelings that will come when Job is born. I know Job is not Hezekiah and I do not want him to ever feel like he is a replacement because he is not. I know the first few weeks are going to bring some emotion for all of us and we are preparing to deal with it by God's grace. We have done as much preparing as we can and are planning on including Hezekiah in as much as we can. Obviously we know he is not here but he still is our son/brother and we cannot pretend he never existed. This is a "delicate" thing and we often find people offering their advice to us or more often to other family members about how we should not do this or they don't understand why we would do that. We do understand why they don't get it because they haven't walked it and we wish grace and love would be shown rather than judgemental comments. Hezekiah continues to be the sharpening arrow that God is using in our lives. We love and miss him so much!

After we found out Job was a boy we went shopping and each of the children picked out an outfit for him. All of the children picked Job's outfit out from Hezekiah. The picture above is of the outfits they picked along with a baby book, nuks, and two swaddle blankets they choose. This is something we normally do after our 37 week sonogram but with Hezekiah we came home in tears and broken hearted due to his diagnosis. This time was a celebration that we all enjoyed. We have never found out the sex of our baby before so it was kind of fun to buy specifically for Job knowing he was a boy. We even went miniature golfing and out to eat. We have had fun preparing for Job to come. I am by nature a planner and need to have things in order. It does not always work out that way but I do try. Job's crib is set up and his new outfits are washed and ready. Now I must restrain myself from buying anything else (my Mom's strict orders :) ) and from setting things up downstairs. It is to early to do that but I admit I am very anxious to do so. I normally wait until 2 weeks before to set up the pack n play in order to prepare the younger children.

I am still not positive on how I will deliver Job but we are praying and we know that God knows. If you think of it please pray for us. I had my first 3 by c-section then my next 3 vbac home births. Hezekiah was a c-section so that is 4 c-sections and 3 vbac's. I would love to have another vbac for obvious reasons but am unsure at this time. I am trusting God will make his will clearly known to us. Well I must go get my precious one's ready for bed.