Yesterday we went to go fill our water containers with water from a spring nearby. When we go there we pass Hezekiah's grave and of course we cannot just drive past and not stop. I remember at Christmas we drove past and did not stop and I promised myself I would never do that again. It hurts to much to not stop. We stopped and as we walked back I saw most of the snow was gone. Last time we went we had to walk in wet, cold snow. The kids all ran back to their brother and as I walked arm in arm with hubby I cried, it's just horrible that we even have a grave for our 13 month old. Ken remined me that Hezekiah is not here and I know that. But his sweet face, tiny toes, chubby cheeks, button nose, and all the physical parts I remember of him are. Yes, under the ground where I will never see them again but they are there. Going to the grave is a time of weeping, I don't know that I can even explain the deep pain within. But when we leave we feel refreshed. I think it's important to make sure we take the time to let the pain out. It's always in there and it's good to release it. The kid's fixed up his army men they left there and we cleaned up the broken balloons from last time. I am anxious to take some flowers there. We miss our son and brother and time does not erase that!

Happy Valentines Day

Today, 13 months ago Hezekiah went to be with Jesus. Just thinking of that day and those moments make me cry and unearth a deep ache within. This afternoon when it seemed to overwhelm me I prayed and asked God for strength and I reminded myself over and over again that God is faithful and his ways are best. Finally Ken arrived home and his hug brought my tears to full bloom. I am so thankful for my husband, his compassion, patience and understanding and for his love to Hezekiah.

After dinner we read The story of St. Valentine to the children. Then Ken and I each read a note we wrote to one another. We want our children to know how important our marriage is and how we honor our commitment we made to one another before God. We honor God when we honor each other.

So here is the mushy stuff :) This year we got some giggly, gagging noises from the kiddo's as we were reading. It was a fun memorable time.

Dearest Michele,
You have made me truly happy. God has sent me a gift, a reward. It is so easy to love you. I am so proud to have you as my wife. Between your beauty and your wisdom, your grace and charity give me honor. When you are quiet I simply admire my pretty wife. When you speak, the words are intellegible like devine scripture. Your actions towards others are like fine trim on a opulent home. You let others hurt you, because you hope the best from them. But graciously you try again. I beg you to stop letting them. But you are not like me. You continue on, so while I get frustrated by this I can't help but admire you. I am bursting with pride, joy, admiration, and gratefulness over the Lord's gift to me.
I love you,
Ken

Ken,
I hope everyday I portray these thoughts to you. I am so thankful to have you as my husband. With each passing year I love you move and more. You truly are my handsome knight in shining armour. I admire your commitment to me and our children and how your content to just be with us. You work long and hard days to provide for us. It delights my soul in how you love and care for our 7 children. I know our children are truly blessed to have a fun, hands on daddy like you. You have a vision for your family and as a strong leader you lead us. Even when things get tough your like a mighty warrior who plunges forward and keeps on going. You have no fear because your trust is in our creator. Your humble and giving constantly, thinking of others before yourself. Every direction if it be of goodness or pain you are not afraid to lead us and when things get tough you instantly take us as a family to our knees in prayer. I will never forget your strength as we prepared and watched our precious son go onto eternity. You are a rock. Your a man of truth who honestly shares your faults and seeks to honor God in all you say, think, and do. You don't just talk it you walk it. I love quiet moments with you. I love your strength both physically and mentally. I can look into your eyes and you say nothing but I know your thoughts by the look in your eyes and the smile on your face. You make me want to be a better person. Your a man of priceless value and I am so glad that your mine. I thank God for choosing you to be my husband.
I love you forever macho man :)
Yours Forever,
Michele

13 months old

Today Hezekiah is 14 months old. I often think of how he would be walking around, teething, and getting into everything. I wonder what he looks like and which brother and/or sister he would most resemble. I long to hear his cry, giggle, and babbling.

We went to his grave and the kids took black and yellow balloons. Yes, we are Steelers fans :) Ken worked a bit late so it was almost dark and starting to rain by the time we got there. We had to tread the snow and the kids made a snowman. They laid the pictures they made for him in his little box. Of course, as usual there are tears. We miss our son/brother very much.