Saturday, November 27, 2010

These past 2 weeks have been emotionally rough. I have a sadness within and a deep wound that is still bleeding. I miss Hezekiah so much and whenever I think about him I just cry. It was said to me to "just get over it." Well first that "it" is my son Hezekiah. He is my child whom I wanted, loved, adored, had dreams for, and who lived within my womb. I felt his kicks, warm body, smooth baby skin, dark fine hair, 10 perfect fingers, 10 perfect toes, chubby cheeks, and his sweet little lips. I held him in my arms, gazed upon every inch of his perfect body. I remember often after everyone was asleep I would just look at him. There were so many feelings and emotions going on in my head that it was overwhelming. I have so much love for my son, so much I want to give. Yet here I am helpless being dragged along by circumstances that are out of my control.

We should all consider our words before we speak. A father, mother, brother, and sister can't just get over someone they love so much. Grief takes time and has it's stages.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

10 months old today

Today Hezekiah is 10 months old. The milestones are always hard as it is a reminder of what is not.

We went to a life celebration for a precious baby girl Aliyah today, she went to be with Jesus last week. It was something we as a family wanted to do and we are very thankful we did. We were once again reminded that we do not allow our experiences to change the character of our faith. God's word is the truth and it will always remain, nothing can change that.

After Aliya's service we headed to Hezekiah's gravesite. It was cold and windy out so we did not stay long. It is still hard to look down and know our son's body is down within the dirt but we also look UP and remind ourselves of the truth that Hezekiah is up in Heaven completely healed with our loving Father. We know someday we will see him again and we await that glorious day!

We were also blessed and delighted to see Carol Ann and Sharon at Aliyah's celebration. These ladies along with some other people from Women's and Babies are very dear to our hearts and always will be.
Thank you Lord for this day, although there were tears there was also joy.